Dead Kitty

I killed the cat.

Well, I guess everyone pretty much knows that already.

I felt like I had a stroke or heart attack or something.

I killed Robin's cat.

I woke up after falling asleep on the couch while trying to make it to the weather. Dixie was in the same place, but when I looked around for the cat I noticed a lump under me. It was already stiff, but I tried CPR anyway. Then I freaked out and Robin came running out from the bedroom.

She didn't see the kitten lying next to me one the couch and sat on it. I freaked out a little more. After she stood back up she noticed Charlie lying dead next to me.

I threw up a lot right after it happened, though I'm not really sure why. I wasn't grossed out.

After Robin calmed me down, I gathered the cat and shovel and buried her under the tree overlooking the river in the front yard.

I didn't sleep for a few hours, even though it was just after 3 am.

It's hard to explain, but it hurt me physically. I don't think Robin understood how bad until she noticed that both of my eyes were bloody.

I look like I got hit by a truck. Well, I guess it's not so hard to explain how it felt. It felt like I got hit by a truck.

Sunday it felt like the truck backed up.

Today I tried to go fishing.

It hasn't rained in weeks. It has sprinkled, but never rained. Not since May. Today it poured. The girls thought it was fun, but I didn't even get a bite and after two hours we headed home.

I need some time to go fishing. Really fish. No girls. Just me. On the water.

I need a moment.

I haven't got it yet.

That little kitten was only four weeks old. It just wanted to sleep next to someone. Dixie must have pushed her off her end of the couch. That lazy dog likes to stretch a lot in her sleep.

It's hard watching her search the house frantically for her little pal.

The girls have taken her death surprisingly well. "She's with her mommy," Chloe keeps telling me. "She's with her family."

When we got Charlie last week we told Chloe and Kayla that the kitty's mommy had died but I didn't think she understood. She has such a sense of family and spirituality. I had felt like such a bad parent last week when we were visiting prospective preschools. The questions about the alphabet and numbers. The girls have only a limited visual recognition, but she understands family and our spiritual connection.

Well I have to stop writing now. It's already after 11 pm. I put the girls down at 8:00 and they are still running down the hall.

They start school tomorrow.